JOKER

I could not have been more appropriate for me to see the new Joker movie the day I decided to take on a week of smiling and not being grumpy.

I’ve finally found another project I don’t believe in.

There’s certainly merit in not letting the difficulties of life get you down. There’s certainly something to be said about putting on a happy face.

However, especially after seeing the Joker movie, sometimes it feels almost unhealthy to just avoid being upset about something. Obviously it was a movie, and so it came with a lot of nuanced issues. My good friend, Keaton and I had opposing views of the movie. They thought it didn’t take seriously enough the theme of mental illness and the responsibility we have to make sure we’re not portraying people who need legitimate help as murderers.

I, however, could see from Arthur’s perspective. He’s simply just trying to make a living but is constantly cut down from every angle, pushed and beaten by life.

Of course, in the end of the movie, the sort of message could be interpreted as, if you view life as a comedy, or if you just stay positive, smile and avoid being grumpy, anything could be made into a joke. Even murder.

So, yes, that’s an extreme, but this week I felt it, man. I’m working in a warehouse that’s covered with rat shit, one “working” bathroom, and the only other bathroom with an actual toilet is literally covered in human feces. On top of that, my bratty previous employer took me to court to avoid paying my unemployment. He sat in front of me and told the judge I was basically an ungrateful, self absorbed moron. And when it was my turn, I did what I went there to do. I said, “I didn’t know BNS was paying my unemployment. So I side with them and their complaint.”

“Smile and don’t be grumpy” didn’t cut it this week.

It’s not real. Sometimes there are things you should be upset about. There are things you should complain about. It’s not as simple as just smiling it away. I swear to God I’m one more nightmare away from playing the next Joker myself.

This week I’m going to start hunkering down. I’ve got a lot to do and a little time to do it before I got to Europe. I’m also sort of homeless at the beginning of next month, so I need to figure that out.

Which leads me to this week’s project:

“Be somebody. Be happy/friendly. Get what needs to be done, done, then go places, meet people, experience life. ONLY after work is done.”

I don’t know how “Be somebody,” is relative to being present and getting work done before play, but whatever. This week I’m gonna be somebody.

I am officially a week into my last gig. I have less than 3 weeks before I have to find myself a roof to sleep under, and less than 2 months from leaving the country.

So it’s actually imperative that I start getting my shit together before fucking off (I’m still doing really well not cursing).

I’m really looking at this week as “Don’t forget you’re a person and you live in a city you love and your friends are here. Live a little and don’t kill anyone.”

So wish me luck and get your shit together.