My two week stay in Frankfurt has been A LOT.
I learned recently that though I find it useful to be a flexible person, able to go with the flow, it’s rather important for me to have opinions and make decisions based on what my personal goals are.
Time comes and goes here, and I don’t seem to notice. I’ve eaten a lot (a lot) at the Christmas Market, and I’ve met a lot of people. Both of which are good and fine, but I’ve hardly explored, I’ve hardly written. I’m spending money like I’m not 100% in survival mode. It’s important for me to understand that I’m on this trip alone, and everyone else is on their own trips with their own plans.
That being said, what I learned this week is something that I’m still trying to piece together.
After several shots of honey whiskey, honey vodka, honey gin, honey wine, and honey schnapps, I talked with the absolute dreamboat, Victoria, whom I met in New York just before I left for Europe. She’s in Sweden for her birthday, and after a few minutes of joking about meeting up, we booked tickets to get together in Berlin the following morning.
So six hours later, I was on a train. I was stressed about being on the move again, I was nervous to see her after a month of being away, I was excited to be out of Frankfurt, hanging with a person I really like and checking out Berlin.
For a short trip, we covered a lot of ground. We went ice skating at the Christmas market, we went to the Spy Museum, we walked all over the city. We took a bunker tour about the Berlin Wall that was both fascinating, emotional and riveting. The guide was a master storyteller and had perfect suspense and pacing. We walked through the bunkers of Berlin learning the history of the wall and about the specific accounts of people trying to tunnel in and out of the city to reunite with their loved ones. It really was incredible.
We went to the Memorial of Murdered Jews of Europe to see the chilling memorial. We walked through the museum and read accounts of people writing their last letters, and reading the accounts of all the lives that were needlessly lost.
One day I woke up to find out Victoria’s friend had gotten us vouchers to a German Bath House. I didn’t know much about those establishments, but had some weird, creepy ideas that had no origin.
Honestly, I didn’t ever say it, but I was nervous. I wanted to go because I wanted to know what it even was. I wasn’t sure I had any idea what a bath house would be like. But I also hate putting myself in uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations, and a nude bath house seemed like a ripe place for that.
HOWEVER!
We showed up to this bougie-ass complex where they had smooth music, and a no cell phone policy, and couches, and scents, and everyone whispered. We got into our robes and went inside this massive spa. I mean it had different wings, a ton of different, specialised saunas, indoor and outdoor pools and hot tubs, yoga and mediation rooms. Everything was beautiful and clean and there were hundreds of naked people. Hundreds.
Listen, I’m pro-nudity, and if you know me, then you know I’m shy about very little. Still, I’ve never been in a room with loads of other naked people before. We were a little conservative at first but de-robed and popped into a sauna that had probably twenty naked people in it. We found our spots, and just sweat in silence. The room had a window overlooking the outdoor part of the complex, and it was cold outside and beautifully lit and everything was so relaxing. Straight up, IT. WAS. AMAZING.
We went into the outdoor pool and swam around. We were never too close to many other people, and if we were (in a sauna session where a dude swung plants over our heads and my knee was touching a stranger’s knee – or the outdoor hot tub where we sat pretty much shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of naked strangers) no one fucked with us. No one was fucking with anyone else for that matter. Everyone was there, like Victoria and I, to just chill out and enjoy a nice, relaxing couple of hours.
I forgot I had physical insecurities, because though we’re all respecting each other, we’re all seeing A LOT of other nude people. Different bodies, shapes, sizes, colors. It was kinda beautiful to be with so many people who shed the things we put on every morning to hide our darkest fears from people. It was beautiful to just be with Victoria under the stars in a pool, laughing and happy, just (literally) hanging out.
It also showed me that sometimes the fears I have about things are completely made up by me. In this circumstance I mean that I’m holding onto anger and fear about men pretty much all the time. Especially in countries where I don’t really know what they’ve gone through to get wherever they are with equality. In the states I’m comfortable, and pretty rarely fucked with. Out here, I just don’t know, so I always assume the worst.
While I think it’s incredibly important to be cautious, harbouring these really negative feelings toward pretty much half the people I come up against is actually perpetuating the inequality, and damaging my own sense of peace in the world. Yes, women should be demanding and receiving respect, yes, men need to be held accountable for any wrongdoings, like anyone else.
But I’m starting to see that if I expect to have a dangerous experience because men are present, I’m the problem. I’m perpetuating that hate and that negativity especially when it turns out to be literally magical.
Berlin was awesome, it was so great to see Victoria, life is insane. 100% would recommend Vabali Bath House in Frankfurt. Shit’s wild.
This week is Christmas, and I believe I’ll be hanging out with my Australian hostel buddy, Jaydes and his dad. I imagine cigarettes and “well fuck all” will be involved. On Thursday I hop a train and head to meet my friends Sharon and Francisco from New York in Paris, France.
The strikes are still on, so we aren’t sure what to expect but our AirBnB host has been very present and giving us updates and advice on how to handle everything. I’m excited to be with friends, I’m excited to move on from Frankfurt. I’m excited that I’m out here, living like this, I love my life everything is wild just as it should be.
NOW. Sixpence None the Richer’s Divine Discontent. It’s actually a dope album. I didn’t do any proper research on this one, but only a few songs were hard to get down. The rest are very nineties, early 2000s style hits and even some radio classics are on the album. I’d listen to it any day, regardless of some of the religious undertones.
My last Christian album is upon me. Finally! It’s Kevin Max (of DC Talk)’s album Stereotype Be. I imagine, much like his book, this album will be an account of him begging to be understood. We’ve all been there. It’s my last Christian album, and then it’s over! Woop!
From out here to you wherever you are, Happy Christmas to those who celebrate. Happy Wednesday to those who don’t. <3<3
Wish me luck this week, and get out there and try something weird.
JACLAND 