Tag: nyc

What if God Was One of Us?

I read Why So Many Gods? by Tim Baker and Kate Etue last week. I was initially pumped to read about things my small town education never presented to me, then read the first page in which they claim that Christianity is the one and only true religion.

So that put a damper on things, but honestly, the authors did a fine job of keeping their bias at bay except in a small reflection at the end of each chapter.

I learned about religions I’ve never heard of before (Bahá’i, sup?) and double checked the facts for some of the more prone to misinformation religions at the time of this writing (Taliban – which they actually gave the same info as Wiki).

I LEARNED A LOT HOLY SHIT. This was dope. I really enjoyed just flicking through some info I’d never really had in close comparison before. It’s interesting to see the variations and honestly how similar the beliefs are in what the end or main goal is. Would recommend this book if you can look past the weird moments where the authors express how Christianity is law over all the religions they’re teaching. They had some interesting contestants, for example, Magic the Gathering. Which many would be honored to have considered as a religion.

Reading about so many beliefs in such a condensed space kicks up a lot of thoughts on religion.

Some of them (Mormonism or Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, which this book classifies as a cults) have very specific guidelines and expectations. You have to ask if it’s manmade or someone truly believed that the Lord came to them to preach the truth.

And the reality is most of these religions (or cults or whatever you want to call them) are genuinely faith based. It’s hard to test someone’s faith if they truly, in their heart of hearts believe what they’ve seen/heard/felt.

Many of the religions think of the Christian God or the Christian Jesus as one person, or as two separate but equally insignificant people, or as guys who play a part but not the major role, etc. etc. Honestly, by the end of the book I was getting bored of hearing the slightest of variations between the religions. Y’all are talking about the same thing.

I love to not bring this up, because I love not arguing about things I genuinely have no stake in, but I believe it’s truth when a person is 100% behind their brand or faith. They genuinely believe what they believe, and it’s different than what other people genuinely believe. Everyone has their proof but that only matters if the proof is enough to convince the non-believers.

So is any of it real?

For those with a genuine faith, very much yes. For me and the others of us who don’t really care, I don’t really care.

Hannah Huth and I at a winter church camp, maybe 2007?

All things considered, I just like learning. I like being armed with information and this book provided that. Hella would recommend.

Ok, so last post I mentioned that my life is chaos on accident. Well, it turns out my lease is up a month before I thought it was. Of course my initial thought was “Son of bitch, I could’ve left for Europe a month early.” But since my ticket is non-refundable and I just accepted a job with NY Marathon through the first week of November, that’s a big “oh well.”

Now the thought is, “Son of bitch, I have to get rid of all my shit sooner than I thought and then homeless a month sooner than I anticipated.”

Whoopsie Chaos, is what I’ll be calling my life from now on.

So, I’m looking at starting my next and final job for New York Marathon, going to court because my previous, bratty employer doesn’t want to pay my unemployment, becoming homeless for a month, working the marathon, then floating through New York for two weeks before I leave the country for a year.

Needless to say, this week I’m going to practice something the sweet, sweet virginal Jac believed in.

April 11 [2005] 4:59am
“Smile a lot and don’t be grumpy.”

Which is kinda the exact opposite of me and my values. Also a lot of these reflection based projects are similar. That’s not lost on me. But it’s a great reminder every week to get out of my own ass.

It’ll do me some good to just stay positive, and keep my mind on the goal. I’m leaving for a year long travel in Europe in exactly one month and twenty days. That’s the goal.

So here’s to pretending I’m not one shoulder check away from killing someone.

Wish me luck and send me funny things to smile at this week.

by Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Not Entirely Positive

Ah, New York. My plane landed at 6:45am after I got a total of 15 minutes of sleep all night. It took three hours for me to get from Newark Airport to my house in Brooklyn and then I slept for two whole days.

This week I focused on avoiding negative thoughts. Any time I reminded myself of this project, I overpowered my goal of positive thinking with all the stressful things in my life. I’m unemployed, I’m unprepared for a massive trip I’m taking reeeeaallllyyy soon etc etc. It seems when you try to think about having positive thoughts all you think about is how you should be focusing on the things that bring negativity into your life.

I had a similar feeling when my Uncle John passed. I was so upset and it was wreaking havoc in my life, but I felt like I needed to be upset. I wanted to be upset because that meant I was thinking about him, and if I didn’t think about him he’d go away.

The reality is he was already gone, and my problems won’t be fixed by laboring over them in bed at 1am.

It has also shown me that I’m not entirely great at taking compliments. Somewhere inside of me I feel shame for the life I live. I’m nowhere, in that deep, dark thought. I have nothing and I am nothing. So when someone tells me they’re proud of me, or inspired by me, or excited for me, I make some weird comment on how things will probably blow up. (This article induced these reflections).

(Side bar – I came home to a letter from my first NY employer taking me to court because they don’t want to pay my unemployment… so.)

This is all to say that we’re in this beautifully annoying age of self care, where positivity is a weapon and it’s used to fight self doubt, societal pressure, used to pave the path for all the hard work we do to follow our dreams. It’s up against debt and financial woes, the ever-growing complications of intimate relationships and communication, the reality that dreams don’t pay bills but corporate jobs do and aging which actually hurts.

Sometimes it feels impossible to juggle the mere responsibility of being alive and participating in the US and also tell ourselves we’re okay and beautiful and capable of love.

However, when has a negative thought done anything other than fan the flames of your problems? Is it not the most uncomfortable feeling to be unhappy? I’ll admit I’m one of many people who feed off of depression at times, getting a creative fuel from it. But the nagging disappointment of one’s own life is not inspiring in the least and tends to feel more like pressure. It’s gross. It’s a gross feeling. Like when you’re too hot but can’t take off layers so you just have to stew in your sweat (it’s still really hot in NY so this is just an immediate feeling for me).

So I still believe in positive thinking. I don’t know that I truly believe that positive thinking will bring you all your fame and fortune (because I’ve been coasting off that belief forever, but it turns out believing you’ll succeed doesn’t actually do the hard work of succeeding) but it will certainly ease the discomfort.

Here‘s another cute article as a final thought on that.

This week will be a whirlwind. I’m getting all my doc appointments out of the way (is it a broken rib? Is it Tietze? Stay tuned, I’m getting an x-ray. My money is still on swollen organ). I was also brought on for New York Marathon and that gig starts next Monday. It goes from then until the week after the event (Nov. 3rd) which will leave me just a week or two out from Europe.

There’s a lot of prep to be done, but in the meantime I just finished a (bad) book and so this week’s project is one I’m actually pretty interested in.

Cost me $3 on Thriftbooks, the holy mecca of cheap reads

Tim Baker and Kate Etue wrote a book called Why So Many Gods? and it’s pretty much a 2000s rundown of a select bunch of religions. I’m pretty sure both authors are Christians, so we’ll see how this pans out. It’s actually really hard to find anything on Tim Baker, because as you can imagine, everyone and their dog is named Tim Baker (Tim Barker, for the latter…).

I’m curious to see how factual this information is and possibly learn a little about other religions. I’ve spoken a lot about my relationships with Christianity but I honestly know very little about other religions. Such is growing up white in America. Here’s to being accountable for the information we fill ourselves with (and here’s to filling myself with potentially biased information).

Well, wish me luck this week and give me deets on the religion you practice, one you’re interested in learning about, or your experience with religions. OR READ THE BOOK WITH ME. I’m so alone.

by Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

Ooh Ahh

Album reviews are weird cause I would literally never listen to GRITS on my own. But I guess that’s why I’m doing this, and honestly I can get down to Art of Translation.

The fourth album from GRITS got mostly good reviews, won a Dove award and the song “Ooo Ahhh” went gold, so they did alright.

The first two songs, as previously mentioned, were very popular and displayed around in the mainstream. From there, the songs vary from headache inducing sound-wall songs, to bops about the Christian classic, getting married so they can hook up.

Over all, it’s groovy though. I’ll be listening to the album and notice I’m dancing along even if the lyrics are “Do you understand the ill coined phrase, gospel rapper.”

They don’t have music videos, but “Ooh Ahh” was in Tokyo Drift.

Christian music is so interesting. It’s so specific, and Christian hip hop even more so, that done in an approachable way, like this album, it’s kind of accessible to everyone.

Some dude name Dan Leroy wrote a review on AllMusic saying “Yet, great as the album sounds, nothing on it is more remarkable than the sound of two conscious and gifted MCs responding to hip-hop thuggery with marriage and Jesus, instead of a hopeless ‘reality’ or revolutionary tripe.”

I make fun of things like this a lot, because I was raised a) to make fun of things, and b) in the church and then later fell out of faith. Reality, though, it’s not as common in the mainstream to rap about respect, trust and honesty.

Overall, I won’t put it on rotation but if you’re dabbling in religion and you need a way in, take this one. It’s comfortable and respectable while still feeling you up.

Do you have thoughts on Christian music? Is it possible for the genre to bleed over into mainstream and interest the non-believer?

ANYWAY.
On Tuesday I’m flying to Oregon for a two week break from NYC/farewell before Europe. My first NY roommates Cam and Matt are getting married, and my best friend Katy and her charming darling Steve are getting married. So it’s going to be a love-filled trip, and I can’t wait to be in homeland territory.

I’m also going to read the longest book on my list (per flying 6 hours west) Unfinished Work by Kevin Max of DC Talk.

As far as I can tell, the book is about trying to discover your place in the world, your profession and still be a good person (whilst coincidentally walking in the path of Christ).

I have very little faith (in general and) in the book, but let’s do it. I guess I decided this is what I want all my free time to be, so here I am owning up to all my (bad) ideas.

Also (and definitely more fun) my love Molly and I are having a Golden Girls themed sleepover, so if you’ve got ideas on how to help us get in the mood, send them right my way.

Wish me luck and SEE YOU IN OREGON.

by Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Oh Joy

I DID IT.
I finally finished the Damsel story (currently called The Plum Wizard). I wrapped it up and sent a query to an agent. So there. There’s that. You can read it here.

Guess what’s not easy?
Knitting. Knitting is not easy, and everyones knows it.

I didn’t consider that I wouldn’t be a natural at this. Which is vain as hell, but has also gotten me jobs I didn’t qualify for in the past.

Anyway, what I made is a thing. It’s definitely not a scarf, but it is 100% a thing. You know what people don’t tell you about knitting? It kinda hurts your body. It’s repetitive motion in weird kinked positions. I’m sore. I’ve been doing yoga to uncripple my hands and shoulders.

If anyone can figure out how to wear this monstrosity, it’s my mom.

I know somewhere down the line I wrote about wanting to properly learn to knit. But that is not now, so bye bye crippled neck. See ya frozen fingers.

Ok, I feel bad about saying this but I’m hella over Good Girl Volume Two. Yes there’s value in a lot of the projects I’ve done and many that I will do, but (I vaguely remember this happening in Volume One?) they’re boring. So I’m going to knock a few out at a time when possible.

Which leads me to GRITS The Art of Translation. I threw this album on yesterday and was surprised that I knew some of the songs. The group was pretty popular when I was growing up, and they’re pretty good. Thank God, ya know?

Also this week I’ll be working on a Revolve Beauty Secret. Just for a frame of reference, the following are words I would use to describe myself:
-Indifferent
-Bored
-Moody
-Quirky
-Curious
-Cute

The Revolve Beauty secret #1 is “Be joyful always.”

Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever been considered “joyful”. It just doesn’t sounds like me. I don’t even like things that are considered joyful (except babies but I like them cause they’re dumb and tiny). I do see value in this, though I think “always” is a little unrealistic. But I will make a week long attempt at being joyful always or whatever.

Unemployment has found me sitting in my bed a lot this time around. If you were with me during my last unemployment gap I was thriving.

I pretty much just ate during my last gap of unemployment. Also banana puddingomgomg

Now that it’s crunch time for Europe, and I can’t afford to spend money/go without work I feel the pressure (also it’s so hot and humid in NYC right now. It’s impossible to be outside, I miss you Spring).

I could use a little joy, or at least use my efforts to discover what it takes to be joyful. If you have any suggestions, notes, articles on joyfulness please send them my way! I’ve just figured out how to make a “Contact” button, so use it.

Speaking of things to figure out, the blog needs an update and I’m not super savvy.

Oh, you are??? Omg that’s crazy. Lemme by you a drink to help me work on making this look cuter. Thanks for offering.

Anyway, wish me luck this week and lemme know your top tips on living joyfully.

by Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Adultery and Jesus Christ

I love New York.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson going away for a month. New York is earned, and your relationship needs to be nurtured constantly or you will quickly lose it.

I say this because I keep running into people and it’s pissing me off!

It’s like I’ve completely forgotten how to be a mobbing-machine in midtown and now I’m walking like the tourist families who want to seem like locals but actually get trampled to death by business people on their way to work.

It’s also rained A LOT. It did this last summer and I’m starting to understand that, unlike Oregon where it rains all year except the few months of summer, New York ONLY rains in the summer.

I refuse to buy an umbrella because there are 11 million people using umbrellas and I’m tired of being hit in the face. If you’ve never summer-stormed in NYC before, it’s something else. It’s hot as fuck and the rain is egregious. Buckets of rain kicking up the shit slush from the streets, and then you get into a cold subway with thousands of other wet people.

On our way to Jacob Riis

Ah, the motherland.

I did beach last week. I also burnt while beaching. But it was nice to be tits out around a bunch of queers, just floating in the water on a scorcher. Follow me on Insta to see all the (fully clothed) cool shit I do.

As of last Wednesday I have exactly four months until I leave for Europe. It seems no matter how many questions I ask or how much research I do, it still doesn’t feel any more real. It’s super real though. I’m hella going.

This last week I listened to Audio Adrenaline. Deep, deep sigh. First, I don’t like his voice. It almost feels out of tune, but it’s also a little shaky? The lyrics are so vanilla. The song “Rejoice” opens like this: “I sing this song just as long as I’m breathin. I’m feelin good, yeah I’m feeling right.” That literally has no meaning. It’s just words next to each other that say nothing at all. It’s like bad Google translate.

The song “Summertime” opens with: “I want to play all day and swim out in the waves. In a lagoon that has no shark to bite my legs.”

…

So that’s my review of that album. The review is simply stating some lyrics with an obvious tone about my feelings.

I finished writing the Damsel story. FINALLY. It’s done, and I want it out of my life, so if anyone knows publishers, editors, agents, let’s get this baby on the road. Also, I still need a name. I’m not good at names. My last fish’s name was Chapstick.

Officially unemployed on Thursday. Tell your employers I’m a delight to work with. Or pay me money to do whatever weird shit you need done.

In the meantime I will begrudgingly read another book from my Revolve list, “10 Christian Books”. This week is The Rules: Ten to Live By by Mark Nicholas. If you’re unfamiliar with Christian culture, the 10 rules this demographic live by are the Ten Commandments. I was taught them at a young age and can, off the top of my head, name two of them. Adultery and taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Judging by the cover of this book, trophies, the myth of the color green, hating guns, heart doodles, laser eyes, steal ng, needing barcodes, God, the number 7 and honor are also sins. Ah, yes, it’s all coming back to me.

I’ll give you the skinny next week.

Wish me luck, and don’t cheat on your partner. It’s a commandment, and it’s also a shitty thing to do to someone.

by Tags: , Leave a comment

Hi Honey

I’m home.

I left SF at 11am, and arrived home in New York at 1am. You’re correct in thinking that math doesn’t add up. Blame it on the summer storms I saw from the sky, both terrifying and super dope.

I haven’t had time to be excited that I’m home yet, but I can say I have massive stress relief knowing the event is over.

I will, of course, regret saying this in a week when I’m unemployed again, but at the moment, it feels good knowing nothing really intense and all consuming is in my immediate future (jk hi Europe).

I enjoyed AIDS Walk San Francisco much, much more than New York. Mostly because I had the actual opportunity to enjoy it. Way less people, the set up is all in one area, and I got to see the legendary Thelma Houston perform It’s Raining Men. Yeah.

This isn’t to say it didn’t almost break me. It wasn’t many years ago that I could work on film sets for hours upon hours and recover just fine. Now, it’s impossible. I haven’t even begun the recovery process. The event was five days ago and last night I slept 12 hours.

I wish I could say I spent this week really working on holding back any complaints. But I can’t even pin point a moment where I stopped myself, or even thought about stopping myself from complaining.

So let’s just start over and pretend I never previously attempted to quit complaining okay?

This week I’m going to work on watching my mouth. That’s right you lucky suckers, I’m going to go a whole week without complaining and see if it clears up my complexion.

Ugh.

I’m in New York until Sept. 10th and then I fly home to Oregon for two weeks. My first NY roommate and lifemate Cam Jordan is about to become Cam MacDonald (cause for some reason I put her fiance’s name is my phone as Matt MacDonald. That’s not his last name). Also my best friend Katy is getting married to everyone’s favorite dreamboat Steve. I’m very excited, and also sad. It’ll be the last time I see my friends and family until I come home from Europe.

Sidebar on Europe for a second (this could get ugly):

Most of the people who read this blog know me personally. So I get why people have lashed out at me for being irresponsible for going to Europe in this capacity. Yes, it’s very me to uproot my whole entire life and future to frivolously wander an unknown land for a year based off of an initially bad acid trip…

Yes I make impulse decisions and often times without any thought process whatsoever.

Here’s some perspective: I decided to do this trip in December of last year. As of this post, that’s over seven months ago. I have to ask; do you really think I just decided to go to Europe for a year seven months ago and haven’t done any research?

I regret that I’ve made a name for myself by making whimsical decisions, but please, don’t take my ability to try new things with or without fear as stupidity. Besides, seven months is a long time to have this massive trip coming up and not research the cute shit I’m going to do while I’m away.

So yes, I have looked into visas (or lack there of in my case), I’ve looked into travel insurance, banking, taxes, immunizations, I have a plan for when I get back to the U.S…. I’ve done my homework, I’m not a twat, mind your own business.

If you’ve traveled for a year in Europe specifically, I would LOVE to sit down and chat. If you’ve traveled for a year around the world, three months in Europe, a few weeks or on a fam vacay, please please tell me your favorite places, any etiquette advice I can get, and trips and tricks with currency. If you had a student visa, a working visa or a spouse/family tie please tell me everything you know about relevant regions and the people, food and culture. If none of this is you, don’t tell me how to travel Europe for a year. It’s different.

Also, I’m not afraid. If it doesn’t work out, if I didn’t do enough research about something that wound up being way more important than I thought, if I don’t like it, I’ll come back to America. Or I’ll get fined. Or I’ll be put in a foreign jail. That’s life, and it’s my life. I’m not afraid of that shit. I’m afraid of not doing things I want to do because other people tell me I can’t. I’m afraid of living my life to fuel other people’s dreams, I’m afraid of dying and thinking I was the reason I didn’t follow my heart.

I will not be the first person to pull this off. Not even close. I’m going to be fine, and yes, a lot of this will be figuring it out on the fly, but I was a waitress for eight years, moved myself to New York on a whim, changed my college major three times and I’m taking French lessons. I’ll be fine. I’m Jaclyn On-The-Fly MacDonald. No thanks for your concern.

I am always looking for info. Always happy to learn. If your intention is to tell me how much you know and that what I’m doing isn’t going to work, that’s actually not info. Keep your fears to yourself, they make me uncomfortable.

Now that this tangent is (far from) over, I’m just going to listen to another album this week, lol.

If you missed it, I was a Revolve Girl. I had a magazine for young Christian girls that had lists of books to read and music to listen to in order to keep us wholesome or some shit.

For now I’m skipping over Top 10 Way to Have Fun with Friends, Top 10 Ways to Show Your Mom You Love Her, Ways to Have Fun on a Date, Top 10 Ways to Have Fun With Your Dad, Make a Difference, and the completely scratched out 10 Things to Pray For.

This week, from 10 Christian CDs, I’ll be listening to Lift by Audio Adrenaline. UGHHHHHHH. I didn’t think this journal/blog project would be easy, but I didn’t think it would be Christian music that threatened to burn it all down.

Audio Adrenaline was what the cool guys and even some pastors listened to at church. It wasn’t my style then, it’s not my style now. This album is from 2001 and the lead singer’s vocals trigger a gag reflex. It’s the gravel in his voice. It scratches me the wrong way.

Anyway, there’s that. And I really really will stop complaining. Starting….

Now.

Wish me luck and give me some constructive advice for my trip.

by Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

Revolve Girl

Hello friends. Brooklyn Pride was too much fun. Literally. I almost couldn’t sit up without vomiting on Sunday, but I really had a great time. I met so many amazing new people. Turns out 80% of everyone in New York have traveled the world, so when the word “Europe” is whispered in the shadows, people perk up like meerkats.

So many people were willing to give me advice, tell me where to stay, let me know where the cheapest beer and the nudest beaches are. Some people even offered to reach out to their friends for a place for me to stay. And no shit, I started French lessons yesterday from a darling of person who’s from France.

I love people. People are so fucking rad.

I spent most of the rest of my week conceptualizing the cooking show. The gist is that I’m a bad cook and I mostly just want to catalogue my journey from bad to good. I kinda think Hannah Hart already did it with My Drunk Kitchen (watch it) so will it ultimately become a show? I don’t know. It may not, don’t pressure me.

Listen, it’s not entirely worth talking about but Lil Jaci was a proud Revolve Girl. My Aunt Cheryl gave me a magazine for young Christian Girls that had ways to walk in the name of the lord while navigating youth. I wrote down all the lists they provided me. This is really where I first started making lists (if you didn’t know my creepy obsession with making lists of completely unattainable things to do is the base of this blog, welcome to the point. Doesn’t it feel like a cheap payoff?)

There are lists with Christian books, bands, things to do for Mom or Dad, things to do with siblings and for the community. It’s intense. And yes, I did just purchase 9 of the 10 Christian books on the list last week so I could just dig right in. Nom nom nom.

In my old age I’ve moved past the deep desire to read every word in a book from the first page to the last. Now, when I’m over it I’m over it. Which may not be the case for these! Maybe I’ll love reading Christian literature! ! ! ! Maybe!

Anyway that’s what I’m doing this week. Starting with Morgan Menzie’s Diary of an Anorexic Girl. Why was this on the list of Christian books for little girls? The actual reason, I will find out when I read it. I imagine it has something to do with how the unrealistic expectation of perfection is put upon little girls by everyone from their own family members to media presenting women as skinny, blonde and white. I had various issues with my image growing up causing me to do really scary things and it was all because I was once told skinnier women than me were more desirable.

It goes without saying, especially to the progressive audience we have here, that placing your own expectations of life and living inside a meat suit on other people is confusing, damaging and unrealistic. So, I dunno. Mind your own business?

So there’s that. I swear, if you’re really burning to hear more about Revolve, just call me. I’ll personally make you regret it in under 5 minutes.

I leave for SF on Tuesday. I’m staying in an apartment I could never afford that has a washer/dryer in the studio, a rooftop hangout and a gym. Am I excited to be sleeping on a mattress that isn’t on the floor? You bet your sweet buns I am.

Wish me luck this week and see me in San Francisco.

by Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

The Only Thing to Fear is Fear Himself

I didn’t say it last week but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH. I’m happy to be a big ol’ queer and I’m proud of every one of the gay, lesbian, trans, bi, questioning, non binary, asexual, intersexual, pan folks and people inside, outside or around gender and sexual fluidity. Also straight people, you’re cool too. I know some cool straights.

This was a major blah week. I did very little outside of my house and work.

Until I leave for San Francisco I’ve vowed to not spend money (Europe won’t pay for itself) and treat my health with the utmost respect (cause short term goals work better for me. I like knowing I can have cake in two weeks). I’ve also vowed to take care of all the shit I’ve let pile up over the last few months. Bills, health ins, sewing buttons back. You know, the pile you leave somewhere in plain sight and look over it every day.

So to entertain myself as I did menial tasks, I had on background flicks. I watched Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield. Funny, slightly outdated and not the only movie I watched where the babely love interest was way out of his league.

I also watched Paris, Texas which is a beautifully shot film and directed by the legendary Wim Wenders. The late Harry Dean Stanton is the main role and he’s fantastic like always. I’ve been obsessed with this movie since college, the first time I saw this scene.

On the list is Kingpin which isn’t talked about enough. Vintage Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray. It’s funny, it’s interesting, just sexist and misogynistic enough that I want to believe it was a parody of the way women are treated (but then, the way women are treated is a kind of parody of the way women are treated). Watch it.

Another flick I watched was the classic Wayne’s World. If you haven’t seen it, you don’t deserve to. Or rather you’re “not worthy.” This would be the second of the week where the absolute mega babe of a love interest is way out of his league. THIS IS A CLASSIC. Pretty much flawless.

For the second time, I watched the only-needs-to-be-seen-once Ice Pirates. It’s a film you should only watch when you’re drunk with friends. There’s a sex scene to the backdrop of a video wall showing beach scenes and computer activated indoor rainfall in a movie specifically about the lack of water in the universe. But ultimate babe Vanessa Huston in her 20s plays the only badass chick on board.

Finally, I watched Freddy vs. Jason. Did I need to? No. Was it worth it? No. However, I had a classic post-horror flick moment that I recalled Lil Jaci having in Volume Two.

Feb 28 [2005] 4:56a

“I cant sleep. Watch a scarey movie & I cant sleep. Fell asleep at 11:00p and woke up at 2:55a. I’ve just been laying here watching thats so Raven, Seinfeld & playing with my cell phone. We (Celeste’s family & I) were watching “Saw” at Celestes house & I didnt like it so I pretended that my mom was calling and I went into the other room & called her and she came & got me. I wish I wouldve just told Celeste the truth & said that I was scared and was gonna go home but I was too imbarrised. So now I sit here with terrible images in my mind and going sleepless because I had too much pride to tell the truth. Well it was bad judgement in the 1st place to watch the movie because I know that I have a bad reaction to movies like that. Lord forgive me for lying to Celeste. Amen.”

Boy. I feel like there’s a lot to unpack there that I’ll save for a therapist, but the reason I bring this up is because the other night after watching Freddy vs. Jason I woke up in the middle of the night TERRIFIED that someone was standing over me. I literally couldn’t reach my light fast enough and knocked over all the shit on my nightstand, swatting at the air.

Obvi I was alone (forever) but I was so creeped out I couldn’t go back to sleep. I turned on my tv to fall asleep with some background noise but of course all I could think about was Freddy fricken Krueger and being killed in my sleep. Man, the in between of awake and asleep is a dark fuckin place. So Lil Jaci knew it and it’s just been so long since I’ve seen a horror movie I must’ve forgotten… I just don’t do well with scary movies. Amen.

Anyway, this weekend is Brooklyn Pride. So Imma do that. And also not spend money, choose to eat healthy and exercise and make dentist and doctor check up appointments because nothing is fun anymore.

Wish me luck and send puppy pictures to brighten me up this week.

by Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

The One Where Jac Takes On Too Much

Nashville. What can I say? It was hot. Really hot.

But I enjoyed seeing the Nashville Renaissance Faire. It was so much like the Oregon Country Fair and FaerieWorlds that I wasn’t shocked but I did get to see a dude launched off his horse in a jousting match. So that’s cool.

Downtown was like Times Square for Bachelorette parties. Kid Rock-style. Naturally, I was in and out in under 20 minutes. Seen it, got it, check, bye.

The magic of the Opryland Hotel

Cousin Elias took me to Opryland Hotel which was probably my favorite part of it all. It was the Wonka Factory and Jurassic Park mixed together. Beautiful plants and a stream with a boat you can ride. It was beautiful. You’ll get more when I eventually go back and stay there.

Back in New York now and I went and saw Gary on Broadway. Which is HUGE considering our Lord and Savior Nathan Lane plays the title role. He was amazing, the cast was amazing, the show was wild. 3 people, no set changes and a hysterical hour and half. Lots of dicks. Like, a lot. Maybe 30 dicks with an equal amount of dick jokes. Maybe don’t bring the kids. The set is literally just a pile of corpses. One of them pees in Nathan Lane’s mouth. So.

Follow me on JACLAND to see more of my daily adventures. I’ll be posting things like the shows and my explorations there from now on unless a juicy story is involved.

Photo Credit: Julieta Cervantes

The more I get into my past desires, the more they pile up in the Now. As mentioned before I’ll be moving to SF for a month come mid-June to go hard on AIDS Walk San Francisco. So, in an effort to actually honor Lil Jaci’s cast-aside interests I’m going to slow down to make sure I’m not skimming over projects I’ve been skimming over my whole life.

For now that doesn’t mean anything other than I’ll focus on the projects I’m working on before I take any new ones on. If you have a problem with that take it up with management.

I’ll also be posting more to the Insta account, so be sure to follow me there. This is all really to alleviate these long-ass blogs posts.

Slowing down also allows me to explore the things I’m already doing. For example, I’m in the early-earlys of throwing my bad cooking into Insta video content. I’ll be doing short videos for Instagram to catalogue just how bad it gets when I cook. I’ll need victims, ahem, I mean friends to come test my cooking for each video so if you want to come to my crypt I’ll 50/50 feed or poison you for free.

Party.

So another big… BIG project mostly unrelated to JACLAND but also will come up is my trip to Europe.

The details are that I have a one way ticket to Barcelona on November 24th and have planned to be at it for a year. I should said “planned” for a year. Cause coming up with different identities I want to assume for each country isn’t substantial planning. But it’s important.

Imagine me next to each little blue dot. Hi.

I did acid, as one does, and had an epiphany that I HAD to go to Europe for a year. What’s more ridiculous, is that I’ve been planning it, saving and researching for six months and will 100% be following through on a drug trip vision.

I know. Classic me. It’s actually alarming how incapable of not being me I am.

I have over 30 locations written on a list called “Go to Europe.” Some of them I can’t really remember why they’re on the list, and they’re kind of weird places (looking at you Gelterkinden). But I love being surprised (to anyone listening and wondering what to do for my birthday). Maybe I’ll fall in love with Gelterkinden.

How am I going to pull it off, you ask? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you have past itineraries, tips or friends that I could crash with/work for please help a psycho out. Also hey I’m a professional at asking for money now so what’s up, Europe for a year has gotta be expensive (Venmo @Jaclyn-MacDonald).

Moving along. I’ve got a lot to cover here.

Health. Woof. Not only did I not even attempt to start eating healthy last week, I went hard on Auntie Maryanne’s homemade mac and cheese, with the added cream cheese factor (omg my mouth started watering when I wrote that).

With my Uncle’s tragedy barely out of my center of focus, it’s time to face facts: MacDonald’s are fighting an uphill health battle. We’re all unhealthy as a foundation from which we build. And I’ve used abuse as the bricks. I drink too much, I eat too much, I rarely exercise and I feel it more now than ever the seriousness of taking care of one’s own health.

Dear Reader, that’s where you come in. I don’t know that I’d take myself seriously if I didn’t hold myself accountable publicly. I need your help. How does one take care of oneself? Where do I start?? Help me out, do it with me. Let’s start a health club where everyone’s just generally gloomy. Health doesn’t have to mean you turn into a protein powder meat head. You can still be a little black raincloud. I mean, if not, I’ll never get healthy. I don’t do anything high-key.

Ok. Talk to me this week. Health, Europe, Venmo. Follow JACLAND for all the doing and having fun which is bound to happen. I live in New York! It’s everywhere!

Wish me luck and don’t forget that being moody is cool.

by Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

START RIGHT NOW

I don’t love flying. I don’t love it. But I made it to Nashville around 12:30am and will be out in the world in a few short hours. Today on the docket I’m going with Cousin Elias to a game campaign. Something like Dungeons & Dragons. Catch me last night and I didn’t care to do anything. Today, D&D-like games with my cousin’s friends is EXACTLY what I want to do. So don’t call me, I’m busy.

The AIDS Walk was wild. I’ve never really been around 15,000 people all in the same place before. There were moments where I felt humbled by all the amazing people I met and the willingness to help and work hard and go without complaining. There were times when I thought my body was failing and this is it, I’m going to die here covered in NYC dust surrounded by people who are “entitled to awards because I’ve walked for 30 years.” Honestly it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but straight up, I didn’t love it. There are too many people on this planet. There. I said it.

Once in a lifetime moment. Empty Central Park. Also 5:30am.

(Perfect placement for a PSA about populating the planet: HI, ALL CIS MEN. YOU CAN’T GET ABORTIONS SO WE DON’T ACTUALLY NEED YOUR HELP MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT IT. Wait in the car. We’ll call you in when weed laws come up).

A rumored 15,000 person photobomb (leave the headset alone. I was required to wear it)

But after two months of working (a lot) on this campaign, its finally over and I’m so satisfied I could sleep for 48 hours. I should sleep for 48 hours I’m still so tired. But that must wait. As I mentioned before, I was officially hired on for AIDS Walk SF, so starting Monday I’ll be working out of the NY office on the next campaign until mid-June when I move to SF through July to finish AWSF. Woop! Than back to NY and the unknown. I thrive in unstable conditions. I’m about to glow up.

Ok, I’ve been dreading this, but I may as well just get started. Lil Jaci, at least this specific version, was in her body image prime. She had yet to grow boobs, which is really the first time she noticed she even had a body. She was still short and scrawny but she knew of health. It’s been an ongoing conversation/issue in my family my whole life.

April 16, 2006 “Start eating healthier. Exersize START RIGHT NOW.” (Yeah, I was still figuring out how to spell exercise. That and ‘definitely’ threw me for a loop for years).

I write this in almost every journal from here on out. I actually get pretty mean to myself in the coming journals. Ah, growing up a woman. But that’s not yet. This Lil Jaci was young, spry, she just wanted to get a jump on things. She wanted to pave a way for the life of her dreams and knew that health was one of the factors that would always be in the “most important” category. She also had mono at this very moment.

All I remember is being at the Valley River Mall with Danny and Hannah and the friends when I first started to feel it. That night we went and saw Thursday at the Wow Hall and I felt like trash already. I wasn’t a big kisser those days, so I’m not actually sure how I got mono, but by the time we left the show, my throat was shredded.

I was sick for over eight weeks. I got everything that comes with having mono; laryngitis, pharyngitis, sinus infections, walking pneumonia. I was drinking, huffing, sniffing and swallowing drugs. This is the start of my infamously bad relationship with my immune system. For years to come (still today) getting sick for me typically means getting something you need a shot for (Hi Shingles. If you could just sit tight I’ll be right with you. Oh, and Shingles-The-Second-Time, can I get you a water while you wait?).

She wrote a list of how to get healthy. It’s actually pretty cute:

May 31st 2006:
“Help the process of getting better:
-vitamins
-orange juice
-Go to be[d] @ 9:30 (NO EXCEPTIONS)
-Eat 3 meals a day
-Don’t go anywhere big (doesn’t include getting (not staying at) coffee/bubble tea. Go to the store and get what you went for. If hanging out w/ppl, hang out at home)
-gargle w/salt water
-organics
-veggies
-naps, sleep
-if too tired don’t do it!
-stay clean”

I have so many comments we don’t have time for, but anyway, at one point she thought eating healthy and exercising was a good idea. So here we go.

I hate eating healthy. I love pizza and breads of all kinds, I love pastries, I love cake and pie. Most of you know my sick romance with donuts. I like ice cream, I like cheese. I’ve had stomach problems my whole life. Go figure. So I’m going to start by just determining what makes my body hurt, and cut it out. First thing’s first; no more donuts. I’ve been in an on-again-off-again relationship with donuts for years and it’s time for a clean break.

You only ever hurt me, Donuts. And yet I keep you around. Well, pack your shit and leave. We’re through.

As far as exercise goes, I hate that too. So I’ll start some weird routine and do it until I need an upgrade.

There. Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll “START RIGHT NOW.” But I’m not happy, and I’m also too tired to take care of myself, so I won’t do it with a smile on my face.

If you have tips on how to get from exhausted, not sleeping well, always bloated and in pain, eating like a dumpster rat to healthy, please, keep them to yourself. Wait, I meant share them with me. Help me. You can even do it for me if you want.

Cause this girl:

2006

Had plans for this girl:

2019

And I’m willing (I suppose) and ready (ish) to take on this project.

The ‘Go, do and have fun’ Jac took a break to work 1000 hours for AIDS Walk, but she’s back and she’s in Nashville, so follow me on the JACLAND insta to see Cousin Elias, me, and my Memorial Day weekend in rock and roll (and D&D) country.

Wish me luck this week and how do I use a gym?

by Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment