I lied all week.
If you’re just coming in, last week I vowed to tell the truth for seven whole days. To be fair (to myself) I don’t lie often and especially not about serious things. But the little ones you just spit out without thinking all week, that’s what I’m after.
And I did it all week without even trying to stop a single time. It’s actually exhausting monitoring yourself. Try it sometime. Especially when you’re technically homeless, working NYC’s largest city-wide event of the year and prepping to move out of the country.
So every once in a while I heard myself say something like “I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” when I didn’t technically forget, I just purposely put it out of my mind. Or “Yeah let’s totally get together before I leave,” when I know 110% I’m not going to see them in the one week have before I go to Jersey for 10 days.
It’s not painful lying, but it is lying. It’s just quicker than saying, “Yo, I totally want to hang out with you and it sucks but I don’t really have time. It’s not because I don’t value you as a person, or think you’re worth the few moments of time I have, it’s just I have people who have invested a lot of themselves into me whom I owe my time to at this point.”
Ya know?
Anyway, NaNaWriMo is going poorly. Mostly because of the marathon (which went well and I have never been so happy something is over). But my last day is Friday, and then I have loads of time to catch up…
The project this week as I finish up in the warehouse is to look out for others first. I’ve had a short fuse the last couple weeks and I’m noticing it’s because somewhere inside myself I believe I’m due respect. Which I’m not. Respect is given by people who believe it’s been earned. It’s not demanded.
So join me this week in getting out of our own asses and behaving in a way that would generate respect rather than telling people they need to have it for you.
Wish me luck and good luck back to you.
JACLAND 