As of now, I’m unemployed and homeless. Woo! I’m just a couple weeks away from leaving the country and I’m currently on my way to stay at my Aunt Sue’s house in Sea Girt, New Jersey.
It felt amazing to wrap up the Marathon, and my friends threw me a really fun going away party. I’m happy. I’m nervous. I’m excited.
Per last week’s project, here’s my bit about looking out for others:
Some people are born knowing what they want to do, they do it and they love it. Those people have to remind themselves through the daily hardships that its worth it. Just because it’s their passion it doesn’t mean it’s not a struggle every single day. We all know a teacher or a nurse who’s working full-time, taking care of children and loves going to grad/nursing school but is always on the brink of snapping and murdering someone.
Some people choose a career path, they fight their way to the end and when they get there, they realize it’s not the thing. It isn’t the key to unlocking who they are or want to be.
Some people wake up every day and have no idea what they’re doing. They don’t know how they got there, what they’ll do next, they don’t know if they’ll ever know (Hi. Enjoy my true face).
All of these things are okay, and they’re all hard, and everyone feels like this. Everyone wants purpose and fights an uphill battle to figure out what that purpose is. You’re not alone and you’re not broken and you’re not wrong. Being alive is complicated, so just take a deep breath, strike those middle fingers to the sky and keep fighting the good fight.
Onward. I, for the first time in my life, only own one book. If you know me and have seen any of my living spaces, then you know most of my furniture is usually made from stacks of books. So this is big (and depressing). Tiny Jac had one passing thought that she did not elaborate on whatsoever.
May 22 [2006]:
“I want to get into poetry”
That’s it. I don’t even know where it came from, but whatever, the sentiment is still true.
I took all the way up to advanced poetry classes in college and deeply love writing poetry but have very little knowledge of who the founding poets are. I know it’s subjective and vast, but I’ve read very little and know very little about poets and poetry.
So starting this week I’ll start getting into poetry. I have a Robert Frost tattoo on my leg (my mom gets The Road Not Taken and Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening mixed together and I always thought it was charming growing up. So I got and miles to go before I sleep tattooed on me. Also my life has been exhausting, so it’s just kinda relevant). I guess I’ll start there.
I have more names of poets I want to test out in WAY later journals from college, but on my computer reading list I had Rupi Kaur’s Milk and Honey. Some of my college favorites were beat writers (Lawrence Ferlingetti, Frank O’Hara etc.) but I’d like women and queer poets as well. I’m excited, I love reading, poetry is wonderful, let’s do this.
Also, an update, my very first JACLAND post was about writing a kid’s fantasy book. A few days ago I got my first rejection letter from an agent. So what’s up. Makin moves.
Wish me luck and hit me with your favorite poets.
JACLAND 