Tag: pride

“The Killerz Somebody told me”

Feb 25 05
“Breakin my back just to know your name. 17 tracks and I’ve had it with this game. Im breakin my back just to know your name. But heaven ain’t close in a place like this. Anything goes but dont think you might miss. Cuz heaven aint close in a place like this I said a heaven a close in a place like this. Bring it back down bring it back down tonight (Hoo hooooo) Never thought I

Am I allowed to just take pictures from the internet?

Chorus Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February
of last year Its now confidential, I’ve got potential. Ready lets roll on to something new takin its toll & Im leavin with out you Cu heaven aint close in a place like this I said heaven aint close in a place like this. Bring it back down bring it back down tonight (hoohoooo) Never thought I

in modern life.

Chorus
Rushin a rushin around. ? Pace yourself for me. I said maybe baby please. But I just dont know now. Weh All I wannt do is try

Chorus
Rushin a rushin around now

Chorus
Rushin a rushin around

Chorus
Rushin a rushin around”

Did you skip most of it because you know where it’s all going? Yeah, I do that every time I open Volume Two. Cause this is exactly how it’s written on the first two pages. I clearly didn’t know all the words, which is actually kindof adorable.

I write more Killers lyrics throughout my journal. The page directly after this has a little corner piece that says “I got soul but I’m not a soldier.” I mean I remember liking them, but I don’t remember being a band member…

Another album I was really into at this time in my life was Reliant K’s “Two Lefts Don’t Make a Right.” For the obvious reason that it’s awesome.

A lot my church friends were listening to that album, but it was also already on my list. Being a devout Revolve Girl, I had a whole list of Christian albums that I never got around to because shortly after, I got into hardcore music and smoking cigarettes and lying.

So, if you hadn’t already figured it out, that’s what I’m doing this week. I have quite the selection; Sixpence None the Richer, MercyMe, GRITS, Audio Adrenaline. But I think, because life is mostly terrible, I’m going to start with Switchfoot.

That’s right. My arch nemesis, alt rock. Wikipedia describes them as American Hard Rock, which literally makes my skin crawl. You all remember “Dare You to Move.” It’s the song you heard on KDUK when you were waiting outside a Dari Mart for your friend to come out with those waxy Lil Debbie snacks. Ah, white trash memories.

Anyway, there’s that. Also, I forgot to mention I read Diary of an Anorexic Girl. It got pretty mixed reviews, but honestly it was a hard book to read. Her slow decline into dangerous behavior is so subtle and casual it’s hard not to draw comparisons to times when I self harmed for what I thought were totally normal reasons. It’s definitely triggering, so don’t read it if you’re happy. Just in general. I wrote a longer piece about it here if you’re dying to know more.

I also went and saw Hamilton on stage at not-Broadway (whatever it’s called in SF. Theatre? People were really dressed up, unlike in NYC). Yes, the Hamilton that rocked Broadway and every high school black box lunch conversation for the last whatever whatever years.

If you don’t know anything about it (I didn’t) it’s the historical telling of Alexander Hamilton’s participation at the inception of America. The reason it’s shaken theatre is because it’s done through mostly rap. History told through rap battles.

I spent the first thirty minutes of the show convincing myself that it’s okay to be the only person on the planet who didn’t like the show. But once we got through all the learning of each character and setting the scene, the style of the music, the tone of the show felt so much more powerful. It was emotional, intense, beautiful. They do a rewind scene that actually rocked me. Bullets were characters, the rhythmic dialogue made for really funny conversation or really painful, hard conversation.

Damn.

DAMN. People were crying, people were cheering on during rap battles, people were hooting and hollering for the singers who tore themselves apart for these roles. Damn. See it. Pay the million dollars to see it. Money well spent/I hate theatre I want to watch it again and again but I’m too poor.

Finally, follow my Instagram. I’ll be doing cool shit all weekend and I’d hate for you to be the person who gets called on in class but didn’t do the reading. San Francisco Pride is upon us. I work a rooftop event and then the AIDS Walk booth at the festival.

So I hope everyone has a really gay weekend.

Wish me luck this week and check in on me from time to time. Alt rock makes me violent.

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Revolve Girl

Hello friends. Brooklyn Pride was too much fun. Literally. I almost couldn’t sit up without vomiting on Sunday, but I really had a great time. I met so many amazing new people. Turns out 80% of everyone in New York have traveled the world, so when the word “Europe” is whispered in the shadows, people perk up like meerkats.

So many people were willing to give me advice, tell me where to stay, let me know where the cheapest beer and the nudest beaches are. Some people even offered to reach out to their friends for a place for me to stay. And no shit, I started French lessons yesterday from a darling of person who’s from France.

I love people. People are so fucking rad.

I spent most of the rest of my week conceptualizing the cooking show. The gist is that I’m a bad cook and I mostly just want to catalogue my journey from bad to good. I kinda think Hannah Hart already did it with My Drunk Kitchen (watch it) so will it ultimately become a show? I don’t know. It may not, don’t pressure me.

Listen, it’s not entirely worth talking about but Lil Jaci was a proud Revolve Girl. My Aunt Cheryl gave me a magazine for young Christian Girls that had ways to walk in the name of the lord while navigating youth. I wrote down all the lists they provided me. This is really where I first started making lists (if you didn’t know my creepy obsession with making lists of completely unattainable things to do is the base of this blog, welcome to the point. Doesn’t it feel like a cheap payoff?)

There are lists with Christian books, bands, things to do for Mom or Dad, things to do with siblings and for the community. It’s intense. And yes, I did just purchase 9 of the 10 Christian books on the list last week so I could just dig right in. Nom nom nom.

In my old age I’ve moved past the deep desire to read every word in a book from the first page to the last. Now, when I’m over it I’m over it. Which may not be the case for these! Maybe I’ll love reading Christian literature! ! ! ! Maybe!

Anyway that’s what I’m doing this week. Starting with Morgan Menzie’s Diary of an Anorexic Girl. Why was this on the list of Christian books for little girls? The actual reason, I will find out when I read it. I imagine it has something to do with how the unrealistic expectation of perfection is put upon little girls by everyone from their own family members to media presenting women as skinny, blonde and white. I had various issues with my image growing up causing me to do really scary things and it was all because I was once told skinnier women than me were more desirable.

It goes without saying, especially to the progressive audience we have here, that placing your own expectations of life and living inside a meat suit on other people is confusing, damaging and unrealistic. So, I dunno. Mind your own business?

So there’s that. I swear, if you’re really burning to hear more about Revolve, just call me. I’ll personally make you regret it in under 5 minutes.

I leave for SF on Tuesday. I’m staying in an apartment I could never afford that has a washer/dryer in the studio, a rooftop hangout and a gym. Am I excited to be sleeping on a mattress that isn’t on the floor? You bet your sweet buns I am.

Wish me luck this week and see me in San Francisco.

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The Only Thing to Fear is Fear Himself

I didn’t say it last week but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH. I’m happy to be a big ol’ queer and I’m proud of every one of the gay, lesbian, trans, bi, questioning, non binary, asexual, intersexual, pan folks and people inside, outside or around gender and sexual fluidity. Also straight people, you’re cool too. I know some cool straights.

This was a major blah week. I did very little outside of my house and work.

Until I leave for San Francisco I’ve vowed to not spend money (Europe won’t pay for itself) and treat my health with the utmost respect (cause short term goals work better for me. I like knowing I can have cake in two weeks). I’ve also vowed to take care of all the shit I’ve let pile up over the last few months. Bills, health ins, sewing buttons back. You know, the pile you leave somewhere in plain sight and look over it every day.

So to entertain myself as I did menial tasks, I had on background flicks. I watched Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield. Funny, slightly outdated and not the only movie I watched where the babely love interest was way out of his league.

I also watched Paris, Texas which is a beautifully shot film and directed by the legendary Wim Wenders. The late Harry Dean Stanton is the main role and he’s fantastic like always. I’ve been obsessed with this movie since college, the first time I saw this scene.

On the list is Kingpin which isn’t talked about enough. Vintage Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray. It’s funny, it’s interesting, just sexist and misogynistic enough that I want to believe it was a parody of the way women are treated (but then, the way women are treated is a kind of parody of the way women are treated). Watch it.

Another flick I watched was the classic Wayne’s World. If you haven’t seen it, you don’t deserve to. Or rather you’re “not worthy.” This would be the second of the week where the absolute mega babe of a love interest is way out of his league. THIS IS A CLASSIC. Pretty much flawless.

For the second time, I watched the only-needs-to-be-seen-once Ice Pirates. It’s a film you should only watch when you’re drunk with friends. There’s a sex scene to the backdrop of a video wall showing beach scenes and computer activated indoor rainfall in a movie specifically about the lack of water in the universe. But ultimate babe Vanessa Huston in her 20s plays the only badass chick on board.

Finally, I watched Freddy vs. Jason. Did I need to? No. Was it worth it? No. However, I had a classic post-horror flick moment that I recalled Lil Jaci having in Volume Two.

Feb 28 [2005] 4:56a

“I cant sleep. Watch a scarey movie & I cant sleep. Fell asleep at 11:00p and woke up at 2:55a. I’ve just been laying here watching thats so Raven, Seinfeld & playing with my cell phone. We (Celeste’s family & I) were watching “Saw” at Celestes house & I didnt like it so I pretended that my mom was calling and I went into the other room & called her and she came & got me. I wish I wouldve just told Celeste the truth & said that I was scared and was gonna go home but I was too imbarrised. So now I sit here with terrible images in my mind and going sleepless because I had too much pride to tell the truth. Well it was bad judgement in the 1st place to watch the movie because I know that I have a bad reaction to movies like that. Lord forgive me for lying to Celeste. Amen.”

Boy. I feel like there’s a lot to unpack there that I’ll save for a therapist, but the reason I bring this up is because the other night after watching Freddy vs. Jason I woke up in the middle of the night TERRIFIED that someone was standing over me. I literally couldn’t reach my light fast enough and knocked over all the shit on my nightstand, swatting at the air.

Obvi I was alone (forever) but I was so creeped out I couldn’t go back to sleep. I turned on my tv to fall asleep with some background noise but of course all I could think about was Freddy fricken Krueger and being killed in my sleep. Man, the in between of awake and asleep is a dark fuckin place. So Lil Jaci knew it and it’s just been so long since I’ve seen a horror movie I must’ve forgotten… I just don’t do well with scary movies. Amen.

Anyway, this weekend is Brooklyn Pride. So Imma do that. And also not spend money, choose to eat healthy and exercise and make dentist and doctor check up appointments because nothing is fun anymore.

Wish me luck and send puppy pictures to brighten me up this week.

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