jacland – Page 4

STOP Right Now

Hello. Thanks for being here on this most glorious of Fridays. Friday. I’ll say it again, Friday. I’m so hot for Fridays.

If you also had a demon week, if you also almost killed three people on purpose for pleasure, if you tried to get hit by a car just for a little relief, then we had similar weeks and I’m glad you’re here right now. The new job is rough, the man I work for who is my only saving grace had emergency spine surgery on Tuesday because his arms went numb, my event director’s father passed away, one of my best friend’s husband had brain surgery to remove a giant tumor and I was slapped with a $700 electricity bill because my heater “isn’t cost effective” and I’m a moron.

I’M. GONNA. LOSE IT. In the overly dramatic words of Tiny Me:

1-12-06 “I feel like scum-ocean-fish-parasites-dirt-earth’s core-me! Very bottom right now.” Some days you just shouldn’t get out of bed.

Anyway, the French cottage was a restaurant. It had a fireplace and books on some shelves, but not even for a single second while I was there did I forget I was in a restaurant.

I didn’t go to casino night. I got all dressed, cute outfit, got my books and everything to read on the way. Then my subway kicked me off after three stops. So I had to take a shuttle bus over the bridge into the city. Once I’m off the bus, the only train I could take wasn’t running. So it took me almost an hour just to get to Port Authority to find a proper bus to take into NJ. I still had two hours before I’d get there. So I bailed. All the episodes of Broad City you non-New Yorkers watch where they spend an entire episode just trying to get somewhere is really really real.

Monday I spent the evening with a work and business-free mind to chat with my friend Cam about her engagement! Cam is the literal reason I’m in New York and I got to live with her and her fiance Matt for a while. Very excited, very happy for them. And it was nice to just enjoy the presence of friendship and have a nice time.

“There’s a room full of people waiting to feel normal by comparison.”

Tuesday I saw Kinky Boots. I’m a changed man. I still dream about it. God I love drag and Broadway theatre.

I’m giving up on drawing. The whole reason I was doing it was to live my “go, do and have fun” life, but it’s not fun. It’s harrowing. Bless all you artists out there, you’re special and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Prayer was a wash. I hardly did it, though it was nice to see just how self centered I am. I was asking mostly for things for myself, and it genuinely made me see that I spend very little time thinking of others. So, huh. Did I learn something or did I learn something? I’m going to keep going because truthfully I wrote three prayers.

For comparison, 1-21-06: “God – help me to be a better person. To always be kind to people and to care for everyone like you would care for me. Help me to be a better person in your word and to believe in you like I really want to.”

Vs.

March 31st [2019]: “Dear whatever… I pray that I grow in my confidence at work this week. That this is the week I really grab the wheel and take off, talking with new people, coming up with new strategies and securing REAL MONEY. I pray my belief in myself grows along with my initiative. I pray I can stay on task and be present and productive.” TL;DR – Idk what I’m doing oooh something shiny.

Ok so I’ve only got about five more posts for volume one. And because of this, the last few will either be dull af or big tickets. And this week I chose a dull af one because I simply don’t know if I could take on more.

This week, though, is still important in lesson.

3-7-06: “STOP telling people things.”

This one is about how I had been talking about some of my troubled friends in a bible study group and when I left I felt super guilty about, what I felt was, talking shit about my friends.

The intention was to help. I wanted them to be prayed for because I was concerned, but knew what really happened was that I was talking about how all the people I spend my time with weren’t doing well with a room full of straight A students.

Gossip isn’t a huge part of my life, and I truly don’t believe that’s what I was doing back then, but I do believe I spend a lot of my energy trying to commiserate with people. Which is only half relevant to what I wrote, but I just felt bad that I talked about other peoples’ lives with people who weren’t invested in them like I was. And so, the takeaway here is that I still, like us all, have a tendency to use a focal point (usually another person) to start conversations, to commiserate, or to vent. When really, there are millions of other things I could use to have the exact same affects.

What us kids live by. Or, at least what our moms say to get us to shut the fuck up.

So this coming week I’m going to be aware of how I talk about other people. If I don’t have a positive factual thing to say about someone, there’s really no need to say it at all. I have a million other people I’m trying to be, so I’m just going to leave that one behind. I’m going to STOP talking about people.

Also on the agenda this week: actually dancing, making a NY time capsule inside a briefcase my boss from my previous job gave me, going to a kickboxing class with my friend Sharon, maybe getting out to Hallett Nature Sanctuary in Central Park (I’ve been but it’s so beautiful. Follow my Insta for videos of me breathing really hard outside). I’m still riding the have fun life and will be meeting with my artist on Tuesday about the story!

Life is wild. I’m tired.

Wish me luck and have a drink for me.

April 5, 2019 by jacrmax Tags: jacland, volumeone 1 Comment

Weed Privilege

Hey wussup hello. Over ten years ago, I asked myself why coconuts have cholesterol. I’m finally going to give Tiny Jac peace of mind.

Ok, so what I think happened here is that someone might’ve said coconuts are bad for your cholesterol and Tiny Jac interpreted that as coconuts have cholesterol. They don’t. I’m not the only one with a weird story. My friend Joshua knew someone who thought that mayo was actually called cholesterol. We’re 90s kids. Cholesterol was a myth back then.

She (I) went on to to ask (myself) what cholesterol is. So for those of you who don’t know and likely don’t care, cholesterol is “a type of fat found in your blood.” This website for children says, “You need cholesterol to help your brain, skin, and other organs do their jobs.” These experts are suggesting 60 minutes of exercise a day which I did not know and come in grossly under the expectation.

On another note, I came down with a cold almost moments after I posted last week, so needless to say, I didn’t go dancing. I didn’t do much of anything over the weekend except watch Buffy reruns and feel sorry for myself. But good news! I’ve had a friend agree to do art for the Damsel story! Woop! Once things get a little more official I’m post details, but I’m very excited to see how it turns out. Now I just need help coming up with a name. HELP ME COME UP WITH A NAME.

Thank you so much to those who sent me new songs to listen to.

An interpretive piece on the alt-rock band Sugarcult. 12-27-05

My favorite this week wasn’t even rock and roll, so now I feel like a liar, but is the Canadian hip-hop artist Tasha the Amazon. I was very… shall I say… high… when I listened to her and the combined sounds are so satisfying. Dig it if you have not done so.

I also got a killer recommendation from my friend Amanda Willis for the band Ex Hex. Rock and roll girl band who gets lumped in with other bands like Sleater Kinney. Kinda throwback-y, but very groovy stuff.

Feel free to stumble on more rocknroll and just pass it my way. I share it with my Dad, so it really keeps our relationship active. Thanks in layers.

I need to get something off my chest. It has come to my attention that I don’t understand weed at all. I’ve been telling EVERYONE in New York that an 1/8 of weed is $12 in Oregon. I’ve been saying that because this entire time… all of my 20s I thought an eighth was a gram. Dead fucking serious. That’s privilege, dude (and like basic stupidity). In Oregon, I just have to grunt and point at a lump of weed and someone will sell it to me for whatever price is on the sticker. Shout out to the aforementioned Joshua for helping me see the error of my ways, and I apologize to anyone who believed me. I suppose in that way we’re both suckers.

This week’s adventures start now: Tonight I’m going on a (2nd) date to a place called Black Mountain Wine House in Gowanus. I was told it looks like a cozy French cottage. We’ll see. I just need wine asap.

Saturday will be weird. I was asked to join my client’s Casino Night. Which I love except it’s in Montclair, NJ (a cool 2 hours away by train) and starts at 7pm. Getting a date for this will be a teeny bit harder. Also getting a train home will be harder. Getting home at all will be hard. Excited for free wine.

Ikea and Myles testing out how he’d look on each sofa.

Sunday is my beautiful baby dew drop Myles’ birthday. Follow me on Instagram for all the cute throwback pictures in his honor.

The rest of the week will involve working on the art outline for the story, and doing some drawing for myself for literally no reason other than to cross it off my list. So there’s that.

I will also be taking on a weird new task. It’s good this is starting now. It’ll prep us for future journals.

I grew up in a Christian household. I went to church every Sunday, went to church camp, was a part of the youth group for my school and both of my parents were youth pastors most of my life. I’m currently not a religious person, and I’m treading lightly because my mom reads this blog (I love you, you’re an angel).

In journal one I wrote out a few prayers. Or rather, I was praying in written form. I really believed in something, I really felt what I was saying, and I think there’s value in that habit. However, as I said, I’m not religious. I even tried to pray just, like, up at my ceiling the other day, but I’ve come so far in my life as a woman. Too far, actually, to devote any faith I could possibly muster to a man in the sky who is, like, super hands off but also requires devotion for what I think is the award of eternal peace. Also, have you read the Bible? (The most popular answer to that question is “no”). It’s treatment of women is comparable to Greek Mythology (obviously) and also to Hollywood.

Anyway, Pastor’s daughter. I’ve got a very specific perspective but the point is though I will not be praying this week to a Dude I’m going to practice the act of spiritual prayer. I do believe that if you put out good intentions and good energy, you will then begin to act as though your intentions and your energy are both good. Which harms no one.

Phew. I hope I don’t get grounded for that. And honestly, I get HEAVY into Christianity and reading the Bible and shit all the way up through my seventh journal. So this is a gentle intro to what will eventually be me spewing negativity about the oldest work of fiction (and even a lil sci-fi) still in print. Now here’s a video of N’SYNC’s God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You to lighten the mood:

Ok I don’t remember JC being this hot…

Wish me luck and HELP ME COME UP WITH A NAME.

March 29, 2019 by jacrmax Tags: 2006, jacland, journal, volumeone Leave a comment

VOLUME ONE

Welcome back to JACLAND, a blog following me on the journey to fulfill the dreams of every version of myself. Prepare to be dazzled.

12-18-05

“I never know how to start out journals. I always say something like, I’m Jaclyn Rose MacDonald.”

My flagship journal starts just after I turned 16. I had the emotional depth of a dog bowl, I was going out with Danny, who’s been dating my best friend for almost three years now and I hated my parents. I really hated my parents. The amount of times I call my mom a bitch is staggering (sorry Mom, you’re perfect I love you).

My loose interpretation of “Scene” at the time. True scene is a little more eye liner, a lot more black, tighter clothes and hair that looks like your head actually exploded.

To give a broad overview of the times, it’s important to say that all my friends were in hardcore bands, and we were all very connected with the local scene. At the time, the Scene mostly meant getting all your friends together to smoke cigarettes while they took turns playing music for each other. My parents didn’t like my participation in the scene. They always thought we were getting into bad stuff. Really, Danny and I were just buying little army men and bombing each others troops with bouncy balls.

I was also terrified of love. Danny was the first person I was serious about and it totally freaked me out. I was heavily influenced by the anti-love movie How to Deal and considered myself to be one with Mandy Moore’s character. I recently rewatched the movie and if you need a visual of who I was at the time, and also hate yourself, give the flick a spin. The tagline is “A Lesson in Love for Non-Believers” and features a father who cheats on a mother with a younger woman. You know the trope and the implied affects it has on young women…

The classic and relatable tale of having divorced parents, a best friend who gets pregnant just before her boyfriend dies and falling in love with a guy who almost kills her in a car accident.

Volume one is very Vampire Diaries in how I thought writing down my woes would make them important. I over dramatized everything and was deeply convinced I was crazy. From this version of Tiny Jac, we get what I thought were the answers to it all.

In season one of JACLAND, we’ll revisit the music of the time with the bands Neon Blonde and Test Icicles (yes, a play on testicles). The Blood Brothers were big amongst our group and these knock offs were floating around the scene.

We’re going to dig deep into my young desire to learn everything, complete with a hefty list of things I’ll be learning over the weeks (how to pick locks, the history of women in rock and roll, chemtrail conspiracy theories, and morse code to name a few).

And we’ll discuss the answers to really dumb questions like “How can coconuts have cholesterol?” (They can’t and they don’t).

Next week I’ll get started on the one big project I left behind in this volume. An atrocious concept I’m surprised even Tiny Jac would be interested in entertaining.

I’LL BE WRITING A DAMSEL-MEETS-KNIGHT FAIRYTALE… So, if you thought this blog would be about interesting or forward thinking topics, you were wrong.

I’d like to end this post with some advice wise young me left for dumb old me. And like all the advice I’ll be taking from Tiny Jac, I’ll practice it completely for the week I write on it, with updates to come in the following post. Maybe some of the advice will fix up my bad attitude or shake out some real interest I’ve got lodged in my head sludge.

1/1/06 12:40pm

“…I just want to open up and start making friends with everyone. Just live up life and not worry. Not worry about school, Danny, friends, parents nothing. Just go, do and have fun because you live once and I want to think that I had a really fun life I guess.”

I first took this at face value. Stop worrying, have fun. Then I realized over the years I’ve wanted to do loads of fun things I’ve never done before and, really, that’s the point of this blog. So, starting next week, I’ll be doing a weird weekly adventure. Some examples include make a fortress of solitude and spend a day in it, mini golf, birthday cake shots, night swimming, Ninja Turtle day (!), revamping my temporary tattoo collection, and other things that make me a cute, quirky date (ladiessss). If you’re in NYC and you’re looking for a weird time, callmebeepme.

So join me in our first experiment. This week, let’s not worry. Not worry about unemployment, debt, the future, our purpose, nothing. Choose your own adventure, and let me know how it goes. I’ll be going places that sound interesting, doing what feels right and having fun because YOLO and I want to think that I had a really fun life I guess.

Wish me luck, and try to make some friends this week.